Comments on: Move Your Blooming Arse!

By: Makus

Makus — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:27:48 +0000

Sounds like yet another place to use my new favorite quote:

“It’s a dog eat dog world, and I don’t like the taste of dog.”

As for why a nation of immigrants would “forget” this kind of courtesy, my theory would be that, being a nation of immigrants, because we can’t assume that others share our values, we collectively revert to the lowest common denominator for deciding how to organize civic culture, which is of course survival of the fittest. Another way of saying this — I think that what maintains the graciousness you describe in SL is that the average SL can assume that those around him/her share a range of basic social expectations. Not so in a country with with lots of different cultures.

What about the American fetish for forming lines? Many other cultures resolve the problem of dealing with bureaucracy by simply crowding toward the front, shouting the loudest, relying on personal connections. And that’s OK within that culture because its expected, but appears quite rude in US culture.

Another explanation for the seat problem is diffusion of responsibility — the same reason that 30 people can observe someone in need of help and no one does because everyone thinks it is someone else’s responsibility. It’s why CPR courses tell you that when you are rescuing someone, you should point to a specific individual in the observing crowd to “CALL EMT” rather than issue a general request. I’ve also read studies that show that this phenomenon is less pronounced in more collectivistic cultures.

Also Americans have less experience dealing sharing limited resources — they just have not developed smooth social norms around what to do in that situation.

Anyway, none of this is an excuse. Not to give up your seat for someone old or pregnant is just rude. And that second “lady” in your story sounded horrible.

By: Ru

Ru — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:12:39 +0000

Sara - I think you are right though why we humans tend in this direction I don’t know. I recall a statement from Michael Moore in SICKO where he says Americans fear their government and we are taught to individuate in some way. But how can that be true of all of us immigrants? Do we just pick that up along with information about the Yankees and Waco, TX? In Sri Lanka, too, like you said, people hand over bags and baggage - and that in a country where we were also simultaneously worrying about suicide bombs and unaccompanied packages! Amazing.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:38:34 +0000

I won’t get into the horrors I’ve faced in Germany on the trains and elevators, except to say that even being enormously pregnant is not a good enough reason for able bodied people to give up their seats to you or to let you go ahead on the elevator.

I knew this while pregnant so stood on a lot of crowded trains. When a friend of mine once asked a man to give up his seat for me, the guy she asked turned out to be unable to stand without a cane (whoops!). Only when he gave up his seat did someone else realize what was happening and give hers to him. The whole situation made me wonder what happened to the thoughtfulness of others…

By: Ammon

Ammon — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:33:13 +0000

I’ve ridden my share of trains with kids here in the states, and I can state unequivocally that able-bodied men will almost never give up their seats.
I’ve had much better luck with able-bodied women, quite of few of whom presumably have had the experience of riding the train pregnant.
Another related pet peeve is able-bodied people with minimal luggage using elevators in train stations and airports. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to wait for multiple elevators with my stroller and two kids so a group of 30 years olds with one bag apiece can take the elevator…

By: Sara Stowell

Sara Stowell — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:30:19 +0000

The answer, in a word or four? Global capitalism and Middle classyness. I know, sounds too easy… but the same was true in El Salvador. Not only did people offer their seats, if the buses were too crowded to make getting up and down possible, as they often were/are, then people offered to carry your baby, or your book bag, and those items were handed over with a grateful sigh. I have seen people hanging off buses, on the outside, hand off their bag to a willing carrier inside, and then get it back. No problem. Ah, but this was during the war… so adversity breeds solidarity, BUT - after the war, immigrants started to come home, remittances flowed in, not making people rich, mind you, but enough so they could waste their money at some transnational fat food place (no, I didn´t forget the s)… and crime rose, people began to doubt their neighbors, rather than trust them, and all of a sudden, no more offering seats as common practice, or carrying babies and bags… Don´t get me wrong, I am NOT romanticizing poverty. But capitalism makes us greedy about everything, and we covet our neighbor´s wealth, their seat on the bus, and their happiness…. so, as they say in the World Social Forums, Another World is Possible…

Sorry you had a crappy ride to Boston, Ms. Ru. Hope your reading was able to remind readers about basic human kindness.